Why All Men Want to be Don Draper
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Don Draper - compulsive liar, alcoholic, serial adulterer, slacker, controlling husband.
And yet, role model to almost every man in America.
Since Mad Men hit screens in 2007, the Creative Director of a fictitious New York ad agency has been the man that men want to be, and the man women want to be with.
Even nine years after the show’s finale, Don holds a mesmerizing grip over the fantasies of men. Almost every man wants, in some way, to be Don Draper.
I admit that I also somewhat idolize the Mad Men protagonist, despite all logical reasons not to. (Him being fictitious is the least of my reasons.)
In today’s article, I want to dissect the complex character of Don. Because there is a lot more to our obsession with Mr Draper than the suited-up, chain-smoking sigma male that meets the eye.
Effortless Success
On the surface level, Don has it all (Man Men, AMC)
A huge reason men want to be like Don Draper is because they want to achieve the same levels of effortless success.
On the surface level, Don has it all.
The high-status job and salary, the adorable children, the beautiful wife (well, two wives), the latest cars, nice clothes, and the respect of almost everyone he meets.
At the same time, Don barely ever works.
He takes four hour lunches, disappears for days, drinks in the office, takes frequent naps, and never works out except for a few bedtime push-ups.
It’s the same as with the character of James Bond. He has every skill in the world under his belt without ever practicing a thing.
Watching someone achieve greatness without actively pursuing it is incredibly romantic and seductive for the viewer, no matter how unrealistic.
As men, we envy these levels of effortless success, because we know how hard it is in the real world to win. Even if we try.
So to watch Don dominate in the game of life has the same appeal for the viewer as playing a video game. We watch and vicariously enjoy the rewards of his success but without any of the real world effort and pain.
Darkness
There’s a lot of darkness underneath Don’s ‘perfect’ veneer (Mad Men, AMC)
The flip side to Don’s success is the incredibly dark nature of his psychology and past trauma.
The show presents the incredible contrast between his perfect ‘outer’ world and his terrifyingly claustrophobic inner struggle.
The darkness of Don’s character gives him the charming appeal of a villain.
A villain is always highly seductive to a large portion of the audience that gravitates toward darker themes in art.
But for the majority of viewers, Don’s ‘bad side’ simply makes him more relatable and likable.
Even his vices, like smoking and drinking, show that he is as human and flawed as we all are.
A holier-than-thou superman who never puts a foot wrong is incredibly off-putting to an audience, because we are cynical of their perfectionism.
But Don is cynical about himself before we even get the chance to judge him.
We all have a little Don inside of us, he just takes his flaws to a cinematic extreme.
And as we’ve seen with other shows, the anti-hero often becomes a source of adoration.
Take, for example, Tony Soprano of The Sopranos, or Walter White in Breaking Bad.
Now let’s turn to one of the more positive qualities of Don that men aspire to.
Confidence
Don oozes confidence (Mad Men, AMC)
If there’s one trait every man wants, it’s confidence. And Don has more confidence than an umbrella salesman in a sudden downpour.
At times, Don’s confidence crosses to the point of arrogance, and he is prepared to offend and even lose his job to say what he wants to say.
His courage to speak from the heart and deal with the consequences is highly attractive to the modern man, who worries he could lose his job over what he posts on Twitter.
But on a more surface level, we admire his confidence in talking with women, pitching to high-profile clients, and even his self-assured body language.
“Don has more confidence than an umbrella salesman in a sudden downpour. ”
He is magnetically charismatic without seeming to care what others think of him. In fact, he will even tell others that he does not think of them at all.
Now, Don has quiet confidence - a personality trait we rarely see among influential men today.
He is non-reactive, even nonchalant, and seems to be fully in control of his emotions. Although I must add that he instead bottles his emotions up until he reaches a point of crisis - a very unhealthy approach.
This quiet confidence, non-reactiveness, and veneer of control create a tremendous sense of mystery around the character.
It’s a level of mystery that would be incredibly difficult to maintain in real life.
But it draws people in, and makes both the viewer and the other characters in the show want to peel the layers of his personality, and know him better.
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Looks
The epitome of ‘tall, dark, and handsome’
It might seem strange at first to consider that a big reason why straight men love a male character is because of his attractiveness.
Sure, Don’s tall dark and handsome looks helped convince wives and girlfriends to sit down and watch the show.
But why would a straight man, who has no sexual desire for a man like Don, study his appearance with such eagerness?
To be a sex symbol, to be desired by women as Don is, is perhaps the strongest wish of every man.
Aside from his success with women, male viewers are enthralled by Don’s looks for their own sake.
That’s because men make judgements and form their opinion of other men on their appearance, just as women do.
Don has indeed inspired countless men to dress better. In my 1-1 style consultations, many clients cite his character as a reason why they love wearing a suit and tie.
And if you care about improving your looks, you can book a style consultation with me for free.
Freedom
Don does whatever the hell he likes (Mad Men, AMC)
I have one more point to discuss that explains why men want to be like Don Draper.
Don and the entire Mad Men series represent freedom.
To the viewer, the 1960s appears to be a more dangerous yet exciting world than the one we live in today.
You could smoke and drink in your office, fire people on the spot, and disappear for days without anyone knowing where you are.
In today’s world of location tracking, HR, and health warnings, Mad Men seems like an adult playpen where a man like Don could thrive.
Whether people were actually more free in the 60s than they are today is a different question altogether (e.g. the Vietnam draft). But the show represents that period in a highly fetishized way that makes it easy to focus on the glamor and liberation of this by-gone era.
To step inside Don’s world, to see life through his eyes, is a refreshing escape for the vast majority of men who feel that, in some ways, they would have had a better life if they were born in the Silent Generation.
Conclusion
Gentlemen, I would love to hear from you in the comments, what is one trait you admire about Don Draper? What aspect of his personality or his life do you wish to emulate?
Or do you view the character in a more negative light, and instead have a different fictitious role model you would like to share with us in the comments?
