How to go to a Bar Alone

A solo drink at the bar used to be a safe place for a man.

It's great to go with your friends or with your girl, but it used to be an accepted part of life that sometimes you'd find yourself alone at the bar.

Sadly this has become a lost art, and although it's romanticized in paintings and TV shows, the truth is, most young guys these days simply don't have the confidence to go to a bar alone.

But in this article, I'm going to tell you why you should try going to a bar by yourself.

I'll tell you how to pick the right kind of bar, strike up conversations, turn strangers into friends, and discover a whole new social scene.

Why go alone?

So you might be wondering, ‘Why would you go to a bar by yourself? Isn't that sad?’

Well, I discovered the art of going to a bar alone when I was traveling in the USA solo for the first time and I was in Nashville, Tennessee.

The main thing to do in Nashville is to go to bars, but I discovered that I could only listen to so much country music in one day.

So I decided to check out this local speakeasy called the Red Phone Booth.

It's a members only bar but my navy blazer-wearing, 23-year-old self talked himself in and took a seat at the bar alone for the first time.

Next thing you know, I'm talking to a guy who's playing a show tomorrow and needs a guitar player.

Well, guess who ends up playing that show tomorrow!

Many drams of Red Breast Irish whiskey and my first-ever cigar later, I ask for my tab.

Turns out the lady I've been talking to earlier has already paid it!

I began to realize that certain bars are not just a place to drink - they are a community.

I recently moved to a new city again and I've found that going to a bar by yourself is a great way to meet people and make new friends and when spending time alone.

It's a fun way to roll the dice on your own evening and open yourself up to new experiences.

But just sitting at any old bar looking at your phone is not going to to get you anywhere, so let's learn how to master the art of solo drinking.

Finding the right bar

The first step is to find the right kind of bar.

What kind of bar is right for you will depend totally on your personality.

If you're a big sports guy, you love talking to people about sports, then yes, a sports bar is going to be a good choice for you.

For me, there couldn't be much of a worse environment.

I'm a low-key guy. I like quiet places that are a little upscale, have good cocktails, and where people dress nice.

So. I typically look for a speakeasy bar or a smoking bar.

And, yes, there are still bars in the US where you can smoke. I was both shocked and delighted when I found that out for the first time.

Whatever bar you choose, you need somewhere where you can actually sit at the bar.

Sitting at a table by yourself is nowhere near the same thing.

To sit at the bar is much more common in the United States.

It used to be fairly common that you could sit at the bar at British pubs, but the pandemic sadly killed that off.

In the UK and Europe, it will generally be American-style speakeasy bars where you can do this.

Alternatively, go to a restaurant where you can sit at the bar.

I often like to have dinner when I'm by myself because, if it turns out it's not a great place, I can just enjoy my meal and move on to the next one.

When it comes to the exact seat you take at the bar, you ought to be strategic about this.

Sometimes there will only be one seat left and you just have to take it.

But if you have a choice, don't sit in the corner, because then you can only talk to people on one side of you and not the other.

Somewhere near the center will give you a good vantage point and opportunities to talk to different people.

And if there's room, it's good etiquette to leave a one seat gap between yourself and the next party.

One seat is not too much distance for you to talk.

And if you do end up talking, then they might move up or invite you to do so. 

Starting conversations

The main reason you want to go to a bar alone is to meet new people.

You never know if you're going to be the one who strikes up a conversation first or if others do it with you.

But if you want people to talk to you, you've got to look like you're open to socialization.

The number one sign that tells people, ‘Don't talk to me,’ is staring at your phone.

So when you're at the bar, you're not going to scroll, and you're not going to watch videos.

Your phone is going to stay in your pocket and you can just look straight ahead of you and think.

“Just exist. It’s okay.”

I know this sounds like a completely crazy thing to do today.

But what do you think people did with themselves since the dawn of time up till about 15 years ago?

Just exist. It's okay.

And if you can do your best to not have a total resting bitch face, people are going to notice that you're by yourself and want to talk with you.

Now, what if nobody does start talking with you?

Well, there are a few different methods you can employ to open up a conversation at the bar.

An easy opener is to begin talking with the bartender.

The bartender is the host of the bar and, in many ways, the conductor of the social scene.

Plus, they are being paid to be friendly to you.

They might be bored, and they'll know the other regulars in the bar, which will come in handy later.

You can ask them their name, comment on something they're wearing, or ask them what are the best cocktails in the house.

Not only does this open you up to conversations, but it also signals to other people in the bar that you're a friendly guy who's up for being social.

For example I was recently at a smoking bar and I asked the bartender if there are any other places in the city where you are allowed to smoke.

The guy next to me overheard this and started recommending a bunch of bars to me, and that's how we began our conversation for the night.

The next alternative is to start a conversation with another drinker in the bar.

Look for clues that they might be open to it. For example, if they're by themselves and looking at the wall, or maybe it's a group that you've already noticed is inviting others into the conversation.

A good conversation starter is simply an observation about something in the bar, something interesting someone is wearing, or perhaps a unique drink they are drinking.

And remember, if you're well dressed, others are more likely to start the conversation with you, because they will be intrigued as to why you are dressed up.

Naturally, they will have questions about you.

Becoming a regular

Once you found a good bar where you like the atmosphere, you like the drinks, and you like the people, it's a good idea to become a regular.

While it's great to try new places, there are also many advantages of being a regular.

You'll become a member of a community, so when you go to that bar in future, you'll know there will be people there who are happy to see you and you can catch up.

You'll also get better treatment from the bartenders, and it will start to feel like a private members’ club.

Not every bar is going to be like that, but you can normally tell which ones are by the kinds of people that are in there and the way the bartenders interact with the crowd.

Final thoughts

Much like dressing well, having the confidence to go to a bar alone and enjoy that is somewhat of a lost art.

But I hope that next time you find yourself solo in a new town or looking to make new friends you come back to the ideas that I shared.

I want to hear from you all in the comments - have you ever been to a bar by yourself?

How did it go?

Was it a positive experience? Was it a negative experience? Either way, I'd be curious to hear.